Last week I posted a blog that was simply my thoughts on that night. Earlier that evening I had attended a Longest Night Service here at the church. It was an excellent service although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t blubber like a baby going forward to light a candle. So many of the things that were said echoed exactly my feelings this Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. I love the reason behind Christmas and celebrating God’s perfect and best gift coming down to us–lowly us. I love spending time with my family. I love seeing kids get so excited and the joy they exude. But this year I haven’t felt “in the holiday spirit.” I just haven’t. I’ve not been in tears every day and I’ve even had some very good days. But I’m not as excited this year, I just can’t seem to feel that same feeling that has always come each year. During this service however there was a reading that touched on every feeling I’ve had this year and I couldn’t wait to share it with all of you. Maybe you’re grieving this year (so many of us are) or maybe you know someone who is; either way I hope this helps just a little bit.
I can’t quite catch the spirit of ’tis the season to be jolly…for jolly isn’t what I am feeling.
I can’t quite see the spirit of lights and tinsel that deck the halls…for my eyes are filled with tears that blind.
I can’t quite hear the spirit of choirs of angels that sing “Rejoice”…for my ears are filled with silence.
I can’t quite smell the spirit of pine and candles, of frankincense and myrrh…for the aroma I smell is nothing sweet.
I can’t quite taste the spirit of treats and cookies and roasted chestnuts…for the taste of bitterness is on my lips.
I can’t quite touch the spirit of warm fires and cozy gatherings…for I shiver at the touch of ice in my soul.
I can’t quite get there, God! I can’t quite feel it, God! I can’t quite find it, God! And yet you come here with me.
In tears, in silence, in emptiness, and the cold it is here I discover your comfort for me. After all is said and done, I ever did need to catch it, or see it, or hear it, or smell it, or taste it. I don’t have to get there!
I don’t have to seek it! I don’t have to find it!
Instead, you meet me where I am, without expectations or conditions, the most precious gift I’ve known. You come to share my silent night.